Left

So yesterday, my neighbor dropped by an happened to have his physics homework and calculator in hand. I had my acoustic leaning against the wall. He spotted it, put his homework and calculator down on my shelves and played a few notes from a Van Halen song. We chilled for a little bit, then he put the guitar down and left, forgetting his stuff. Later that day, I noticed it, but didn't want to return it to him. I should return it to him soon and I probably will, but for a reason unknown to me, I don't want to. I don't actually want his stuff, I just want it to be there. What the fuck.

Old

I'm not very happy with myself at the moment. I have a few friends and I even hung out with people for 2 hours tonight, but I'm not making any strides in my personal goal of finding friends. What friends I've made are people I've met through my high school friendships. Instead of branching out and making college friends, I'm becoming much closer to a few of my high school friends and joining cliques that aren't too far off of the ones I was in last year. I'm taking for granted the friends I have, but like most things, I don't think I'll ever be quite content with my status quo - like my writing abilities.

CBS

I'm a bit frustrated with CBS at the moment. To be honest, I've never been a huge fan of the network, but an organization loses sight of their purpose, I lose respect for them. Yes, of course, I'm talking about the fallout with the Tim Tebow ad and the gay dating service ad. CBS has claimed in the past that they won't air political commercials and I'm damn content with that policy. I don't know if it is a political statement to have two guys making out on TV or not or if Tim Tebow's ad qualifies as "political," but I'm quite sure that I don't care. I don't watch the Super Bowl to listen to political or social commentary on the current status of societal ethics and morality. There's a place for that, and it sure isn't the Super Bowl. You've aired dozens of ads in recent years that don't hold up to Super Bowl commercial standards, CBS, and if this is your plan to detract attention from that simple fact, you haven't succeeded yet.

Two

I've been doing it for a while now, but only realized it yesterday. I've been living a double life for months now - my college life and my home life. I don't do things drastically differently between them and I hope that I act similar, but my only true friends, however few, are at home. I felt the most homesick I ever have in my life yesterday, even though I spent most of the fall semester away. I really don't want to keep doing this, but I can't sacrifice either. Next August might be awful.

Light

I feel that I am at a crossroads in my life. As with most things, I view the future with a positive light, but I'm not too sure that that perspective is justified. I don't mean to imply that I don't see that life is worth living or anything, but I intend to lower my expectations slightly. Firstly, with my summers being devoted to important things, I'll have about 6 or so weeks off during the year before I get a full-time and perhaps fewer than that starting out my professional career. Living the 5-day week life has been sustainable for now, but I don't know how long that will last, particularly because of how college life is structured differently than the job-going life.

I don't know why I'm even typing. Nobody will read this and I don't even feel I'm going anywhere. Ok.

Back

So I suppose it is evident by now that this blog has an audience of one, and that is me. Its creation was purposeless and it seems that all I'll use it for now my pointless pansy ramblings to myself sprinkled with the occasional depressed shit, all the while being pretentious as fuck.

Today I changed how I felt about a person. I always thought this person was kind at heart and worthy of my trust, but today I decided otherwise. This person felt like going behind my back and telling stories about how lame I am to people that I live near but haven't met yet, so that knocks out any potential friendships with them based on their biased first impressions of me. It is inevitable that somebody talks down to me behind my back but kindly to me, but I perhaps would be happier with myself if I wasn't aware of it. I mean really, if you're going to talk shit about me to the guy in the dorm right next to me while my door's open, shut his door first. Should you decide to be a bitch, at least be a slightly competent one and hide it from your victim.

Home

After just short of two months away at school, my best friend and I returned home for a weekend. It isn't over yet, but I'm starting to feel uncomfortable. My family loves me and I know that, I have a few good friends still here. Its not that I didn't want to come home, its that today I'm revisiting a past self that I've wanted to disassociate myself from. I felt like sleeping in my own bed last night turned back time two months and I'm still a high school graduate wondering what college life is like. I feel so dynamic and my location feels equally dynamic. I know this sounds pretentious, but it really is what I feel. I know that college life still includes time spent at home, but part of me doesn't want that, probably because I almost feel like my own person now.