I can't fucking stand this. I've spend the past year of my life developing some of the best friendships I could imagine. Now, they're gone. Sure, I'll see them on break and yes I can talk to them on facebook, but I can't actually hang out with them. I can no longer stay up till 3am talking about nothing. I can't maintain and develop inside jokes and go days without the slightest bit of smalltalk. I can't trust anybody to be the true friends to me that I've had for the past several months. I fucking have no friends and it sucks balls. Yeah, I got people I can talk to, yeah, I got people I can hang out with, yeah, I have fun here and there, but I'll never had what I had but five days ago.
Where do I go from here? When I went into high school, I had no true friends and despite being oblivious to this, I kept going along thinking I had some. I took years to develop true friendships. Fuck, I didn't hang out with anybody until sophomore year. At least in high school, I was forced into social circumstances and I knew what I was doing here and there. I can't tell you how fucking sick I am of telling people my major and where I'm from. Holy shit, will it ever end? I don't want to talk smalltalk for the rest of my life.
How'd I get my good friendships? Well, one of them more or less came from talking about band and school and a girl. Another friend came from being friends with the first, and another friend came from a friend of mine dating her. I'm not in band anymore, so there's one tally erased from the board, though I don't know if that's from the column that records pros or cons. I guess I could talk about my classes, but the only classes I care about are ones that are basically sophomore classes that I shouldn't be in and I feel really arrogant when I let people know where I'm at. It takes no Plato to figure that hanging out with my friends' girlfriends is a bad idea. For that matter, I have so few fucking friends that none of my friends even have significant others.
I have no friends and I don't know how to make them. Fuck, I don't want to make them. I want the ones I had. I'm fucking lost. Somebody help me.
1 comment:
Yeah, that's why if people are going to be depressed, they get depressed in college. Well, being alone is awful, but you look like you can handle it like a good person.
Step one: Learn to drink coffee and tea. Pretty, interesting people like interesting sensations such as coffee or tea.
Step two: eat with people in your cafeteria; attempt to go to some place where there is a social environ (i.e. party)
try to find other lonely people.
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